Last night I found out that dill pickles aren't dill pickles and I was for some reason tickled pink. It was one of those instances in which you don't put two and two together for an embarrassingly long time. I knew dill was a spice, but for some imponderable reason I also thought that dill pickles were an actual type of pickle just as Gala apples are. But its just the flavor. I'm such an idiot.
Now for the controversial topic of sideburns. I have some. I personally like sideburns, lots of people like sideburns. At the same time, I know that many people personally don't like sideburns. I don't really have anything to say to those of the latter group; if they are so disillusioned as to not see the good in sideburns, I must say that they are, in my opinion, a lost cause and utterly without any pretense of hope. Anyway. Did you know that before the Civil War, the term "sideburns" didn't even exist? They were previously called "chops" or even "lamp chops" I think. So. Civil War. You see, there was a Union General who's name was Ambrose Burnside. He had particularly magnificent and ugly sideburns on either side of his face--if you can call them that, I think "bushes" would be more appropriate--and so his soldiers started calling that particular form of facial growth "burnsides" in honor of their general. It stuck and spread and eventually some genius have it the metathetical change, sideburns, and it stands to this day. Yet another undesirable consequence of the Civil War. I like "chops" much more. I think a picture of Mr. Burnside is in order:
...Gnarly, huh?
Now the time has come for the first official episode (but 63rd unofficial) of Excruciatingly Embarrassing Moments with Thomas, brought to you by the IIPTA. (International Ipad Picture Taker's Association) Today's episode will detail a most fortuitously unfortuitous real life event that took place yesterday afternoon. And now please give it up up for your host and laughingstock, Thomas Cain!
"Hey everyone! How's everyone's day going...better than mine? Yes, that's probably true. Well, today's moment, which is technically yesterday's moment, has to do with going to Church. Yes, I'm one of those people who still goes to Church and I love it. Anyway. Yesterday I went to Confession. (For those of who don't what that is, you better not the Catholic because its quite central to the life of a Catholic. Its where we 'fess up and are forgiven for our sins.) Now, although you are literally getting redeemed and that is super happy, there is a somber side to it because you are remorseful for your sins. At least during the actual Confession. It is generally not the place where one would crack jokes and laugh etc.
"When I finished confessing my sins, the priest asked me if I was visiting because he knew I wasn't a student (the church is at the college my works at) because I confessed domestic sins like talking back to my parents and stuff. To which I replied, 'No, Father, I'm just a tutor kid.' Now this particular priest has an amazing sense of humor, and his response made me laugh out laud, 'Oh, you don't have have to worry, that's not sin.'...The many layers that it had and the way he said it just made it hilarious. And everyone in the Chapel heard my resulting laughter. It was somewhat mortifying to find that out, but at the same it was worth the laugh."
....And that was Excruciatingly Embarrassing Moments with Thomas, tune in next time for yet another unbelievably awkward moment.
Bye now....be back in a week! :)
-Thomas
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