I promised a post on Mon. on Sunday....so yeah, about that...it turns out that I have a pretty legit excuse. I had a midterm yesterday and on Mon. I was frantically 'studying' i.e. watching the Pats on Mon. Night Football. I'm still not happy with that call. Listen up refs, I know you all read this blog. I know you're listening. You hippamotiomic land basses deserve to be unemployed in GREENLEND.....FOREVER! Well that's that. As mah grandpa would say, I guess I told them!
I was actually studying a lot for the test before the game started, so that's why I didn't post. I did start one though, but then something came up, and my evil mind thought, why don't I play with them a bit? I could just write nothing and then they would think I'm in a comma or something....wouldn't that be funny?
For the sake of clarity, (something that I think my writing could use a lot more of) I didn't really think you would think that something was really wrong with me, it was just kind of wishful, dreamy thinking...
Anyway. I've decided to come out the closet and put you poor, unknowing creatures into the light. (Sorry I'm in such an unpleasant mood, I'll try to have a smiley, upbeat and kind post tomorrow for you...if that's what you're looking for in this post, I strongly advise you to simply turn around and walk away because this post is probably going to be me complaining and insulting.)
Complaints:
1.Why is life so boring?
2.Why do I have a headache?
3. Why does mother nature mock us by making it LOOK like its going to rain, and then have the clouds just roll away without letting us have any of their life-giving water.*
4.* See above on football game.
5.Why are my joints made out of glass?
6. Why cant I be six again?
7. Why isn't everyone six?
8. Why do I get into awkward situations so much?
9. Why cant I fly?
10. Why cant I figure out WHAT THE HECK IM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING?
Insults:
1.To the person who invented tests: I curse you, you malignant manipulator, to a life of everlasting tests that you have not studied for.
2. To clouds: You heartless pieces of evil fluff! I wish upon you everlasting sun.
3. To the people who go to events just for the food/refreshments: You crawling, clinging, quimsical cockroaches, I banish you to the land of parties without food/refreshments for the remainder of your worthless days.**
4. To the persons who do not hold the door: YOU SELF-CENTERED wretches! Are you really in that big a hurry? I wish upon you perpetual doors closing in your face!
5. To the Spider: You eight legged, blood sucking, merciless so-called individual, you get to get caught in your own web and then you get to eat yourself! (sorry, that one's a wee bit disturbing, but they seriously deserve it)
6. To the fly: You stupid creature.
7.To yo mama: Just kidding, I would never do that. ;)
8. To the people who watched Thor just to see Chris Hemsworth shirtless: All I can say is, BRAVO! No. That wasn't a compliment. That was an acronym. (Big Rabid Asinine Volatile Opossum)
9. To movies that totally biff good books: WHY? WHY? WHY? Ok. I know that that was more of a complaint, but I'm a more practiced complainer, so it just came out like that.
10. To you, the readers of this blog: I pity you, you poor mewling quim, have you nothing better to do than read this attempt of a blog? As punishment for wasting your time on this, you are sentenced to reading this post for eternity.
Have a good one!
-Thomas
*We seriously need rain. Officials are saying that if we don't get a substantial amount of rain this season, they will have to start rationing water. So please pray for it.
**Those of you who know me probably thought, Wait a second. Isn't that what you do? Didn't you just banish yourself? No, you see, I go for the food AND the refreshments, not for the food/refreshments. There's a big difference.
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