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Gooood morning, and welcome to the T-Cain show, presented by Toyota Prius: Go more on less. Thank you for making us part of your day.
Before we get started, here's Suzie Robles with our traffic and weather report:
Good morning everyone and thank you for turning into our morning weather, brought to you by the BRAVO association of America.
The sky is blue and will continue be so until the sun goes down at which point it will turn deep, dark blue. And there's your weather for today and tonight.
As for traffic, CANT YOU IDIOTS FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY? At 8 everyone's trying to get to work, so there's going to be traffic going towards the city. Then, CAN YOU GUESS? At 5 its exactly the same thing, except this time, peoples are going in the OPPOSITE direction.
THERE IS YOUR TRAFFIC AND WEATHER. BYE.
*I let out an awkward laugh* Well, it doesn't look like Suzie woke up on the right side of the bed this morning, here's to hoping that you listeners are doing better than she is.
And now lets get started on the segment, but first here's a quick message from my friends at 1-800-FLOWERS. We all know Thanksgiving is fast approaching and what would be better than sending your loved ones flowers? What would be a better way to them your thanks? There isn't one. Call our hotline and mention T-Cain and we will give you an automatic 15% discount. Yes, that's 15%! But hurry, this offer won't last, call 1-800-FLOWERS today!
So. Today's segment is on Thanksgiving because I think that we should talk about it. You might ask yourself, what there to be thankful for? My life is kina boring right now, or, even worse, my life is awful right now. Well, I'll give you something to be thankful for. Be thankful you weren't at the first Thanksgiving. I mean seriously. Here are ten reasons you should be grateful that you aren't going to/weren't at the first Thanksgiving.
1. You'd be living in the 17th century. (that alone is about a zillion reasons)
2.So, you probably would have gotten drunk, fell in a stream, and died the next day of a cold.
3.There would be a bunch a half naked people going crazy.
4. Even worse, there were people attempting to go crazy in in corsets and hoopskirts.
5. Worse still, if you were a guy, you would have to wear one of those stupid hats.
6. The food would probably have given you tape worms, but you would have to eat it because if you didn't it would be rude and you'd probably get burned at the stake or something like that.
7. The popcorn was cold, days old and didn't have any butter or salt on it and you would think it is delicious.
8. You would overstuff yourself with food and, unlike nowadays, it wouldn't even taste good.
9. You would use about half of your food supply for the year on that one day.
10. You would either a) starve or b) watch all your friends and family starve.
There you go.
And now I have to go.
See you next time!
AND BE THANKFUL
All of us at the T-Cain show wishing you a safe and happy holiday--except Suzie. She was fired.
Thank you for making us a part of your day!
*fades into really bad music*
You're hilarious. I suppose I really am grateful about all that. Thanks for giving me some perspective :)
ReplyDeleteIf there's one thing I hate, its sarcasm. ;) Thanks though seriously....wait. That didn't come out right. Lets try again: though seriously thanks.....oh whatever, I think you get the point. Its nice to know every once in awhile that SOMEONE reads this. XD Have an awesome trip!!!!
ReplyDeleteps. thanks for commenting because it made me actually read it, and man it had a lot of typos. It was like 10 min. till mass started, so I didn't have time to even glance over it. so now they are all fixed