What if?

So apparently your prayers worked because here I am typing up yet another post. I'm not splatted on I-5. I  guess that could be either good news or bad, depending on whether you are friend or foe. I was going to talk about the trip itself, but both because you most likely weren't there and I because am not the best of writers, it would most probably bore you all to death. All you need to really know about it is that it was good, fun, and has left me exhausted. I am rather going to talk about feelings I experienced while I was there.

San Francisco is a beautiful city. The buildings, the diverse topographical features, and the amazing views that result from them make it a unique and wonderful place. But it's still a real world city. It's not some magical perfect fantasy. It still is filled with the ugliness that goes hand in hand with the word 'city.' One sees and hears things that are best left undescribed. But the worst part is that one sees humanity in its lowest forms; one sees men and woman reduced to an animalistic state.

The emotions I feel when I see such people are so complex, I don't know whether my writing will be able to do them justice. But I will do my best. There is definitely a feeling of repulsiveness. There is, at the same time though, a feeling of attraction. One feels so very compassionate for them. One wants to share in their sufferings, to lighten their loads. There are also feelings of relief and thankfulness, yet they are contradicted with a healthy fear. One is so thankful that God has given one so much in life: so great a family, such great friends, and strong faith; one is relieved because one knows that fate could have just as easily given one the role of a street person, as she could have given one the role of a happy, carefree, and blessed teenager "What if I had been dealt the Queen of Spades? What if I was destined to be a prime example of humanity in it's lowest form?"; and one is struck with fear precisely because one is so blessed: what is God's plan? What are his expectations? For he said, "Those to whom much is given, much will be expected..." One's heart burns with the question, "Will I meet those expectations?"  One hopes and prays that one will not turn out to be the servant who buries one's Talent and does not let it produce because of an unhealthy fear. One's heart is such a confused soup of emotion, one just want's to go to a very, very quiet place and think for a very, very long time.

I guess all that is left is for me to trust and to do.

Oh, and this morning I invented to new kind of art. At a café. Its called "Mocha frappe freeze creative creations." And I think I'm going to patent it. I literally had the most fun I've in ages doing it.....Ahhh fun for the feeble minded. :)

I think I'm off to DO!

-Thomas